Oh my goodness!! What a few days I have had. My husband and I got home from an amazing 5 days in NYC. Loved our time there and the time spent together. However, when we got home, at least for me, it felt like the bottom just dropped out of everything. We need a new roof, our stove broke, the van had some issues that needed to be fixed, and now I need a root canal and a crown. All things that cost money and it's above and beyond what we have. However, I know full well that my God is bigger than all of those things, and I know He's capable of providing, yet the weight of it all just sat on my shoulders and consumed me. I spent a lot of time crying and trying to figure out just how we were going to make this all happen. I truly felt as though I was drowning, everything was just so much bigger than I could comprehend.

So yesterday, I decided I would take the whole day and devote it to prayer and just spending time with Him. I was doing pretty good about things, until my trip to the dentist. The thing with the dentist is I was totally okay with just pulling the tooth, cause we have that money on our flex card and it would be covered. Until I got home and realized that it was a tooth that would be noticed when I smile. I'm not a hugely vain person, but that bothered me. I smile A LOT, and I'm so afraid that it would make me self conscious and I'd stop smiling so much. I know, sounds lame and vain and silly, but it is what it is. We have dental insurance and they only cover so much, so to do the root canal and crown is more than we have left on our flex card. Sigh. I would be lying to you if I didn't say I completely lost it. I think that's just what God was waiting for. I tell you all of this, so that I can tell you this, in the process of "losing it", I said to Him, "that's it God, that's all I've got, I give up, I'm done, I have no more." I felt complete calm and peace from there on out, and I heard God whisper, "finally, that's what I've been waiting for, now let me show you what I can do".

So I'm not sure what the next few days has in store, but I will tell you this, I have found my joy again, and I know that I know, that I know, that God is bigger than anything that life can throw at me.

Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.