I myself have never been a planner, even if I do make plans, I'm always up for a change in plans if something better comes along. I've always been a big picture person, you know, as long as in the end it all works out, who cares how we got there. I'm sure my lackadaisical way of thinking drives all you planners just insane! I know this because most often I tend to have that reaction to you planners when things don't go "as planned" and you all freak out about it. LOL
Sometimes though, life throws you curve balls, things that you cannot plan or plan for. That's where I feel I have an advantage over all you planners. I can live life from minute to minute, from day to day, from month to month and just go with the flow and see what happens.
Cancer. Cancer is something you cannot plan or plan for. When someone you love gets cancer you have to live each day as it comes and go with the flow of what each day brings. There is no expiration date stamped on a tumor that will tell you the day that it will end. There is no guide book that will tell you the patient will feel crappy this day, and great on this day. You can plan till your little heart is content but in the end it will only bring you frustration because cancer is not a planner. Cancer is a big picture kind of thing, it has an end in mind and just does it's thing until it gets there.
My heart breaks for those that need to be in control, that need to plan, that need to know. There is no knowing, or planning and no amount of questioning doctors or reading internet forums or talking to people who have been through this will tell you exactly what this particular cancer is going to do. This is a time, when you have to surrender all your plans to God, and let Him be the planner, let Him be in control and you just sit next to Him in the passenger seat and quietly wait to see where He takes you. Start each day asking Him what His plans are for the day, is it a good day? is it a bad day? is it THE day?
I think often we only turn over big decisions or troubles, but when something like this happens that affects each and every day, the uncertainty of each moment makes it hard for those that plan. Not that I'm saying I have a greater advantage of getting through this whole "cancer thing" unscathed, cause I don't, however, there's something to be said for not being a planner during all of this. Changing direction is easy for me, I just wish there was a way to make it easier on those that struggle with a hiccup in the plans.
The pain of this journey is palpable, but greater fold I believe for those that need to make plans. My prayer for those is that have to live through all this is that they can learn to find joy in each moment, in each day and just understand that this is one of those unplanned, big picture journeys. God is in control, and we need to just let Him drive and go along for the ride, until we get to the end of it, whenever that may be.
