Oh my goodness!! What a few days I have had. My husband and I got home from an amazing 5 days in NYC. Loved our time there and the time spent together. However, when we got home, at least for me, it felt like the bottom just dropped out of everything. We need a new roof, our stove broke, the van had some issues that needed to be fixed, and now I need a root canal and a crown. All things that cost money and it's above and beyond what we have. However, I know full well that my God is bigger than all of those things, and I know He's capable of providing, yet the weight of it all just sat on my shoulders and consumed me. I spent a lot of time crying and trying to figure out just how we were going to make this all happen. I truly felt as though I was drowning, everything was just so much bigger than I could comprehend.

So yesterday, I decided I would take the whole day and devote it to prayer and just spending time with Him. I was doing pretty good about things, until my trip to the dentist. The thing with the dentist is I was totally okay with just pulling the tooth, cause we have that money on our flex card and it would be covered. Until I got home and realized that it was a tooth that would be noticed when I smile. I'm not a hugely vain person, but that bothered me. I smile A LOT, and I'm so afraid that it would make me self conscious and I'd stop smiling so much. I know, sounds lame and vain and silly, but it is what it is. We have dental insurance and they only cover so much, so to do the root canal and crown is more than we have left on our flex card. Sigh. I would be lying to you if I didn't say I completely lost it. I think that's just what God was waiting for. I tell you all of this, so that I can tell you this, in the process of "losing it", I said to Him, "that's it God, that's all I've got, I give up, I'm done, I have no more." I felt complete calm and peace from there on out, and I heard God whisper, "finally, that's what I've been waiting for, now let me show you what I can do".

So I'm not sure what the next few days has in store, but I will tell you this, I have found my joy again, and I know that I know, that I know, that God is bigger than anything that life can throw at me.

Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So I'm trying to make sure I get a walk in most days. Usually it's a treadmill kind of thing cause I try to make it as painless as possible. If I'm on the treadmill I can play gin rummy on my Kindle Fire. Lame I know, but it makes the torture go by faster. However,I was up by 5:00 this morning and decided to take my walk outside. There's just something about a sunrise and a sunset that beckons me. God does some of his best work then, the way the sky changes colors as they take place. This mornings sunrise wasn't as colorful as I've seen but it was beautiful just the same. Made my walk a bit more enjoyable.

I'm a little late in doing this, however, it's no less heartfelt.  On June 17th my youngest baby girl turned 18.  Yep, this little blonde cutie is now 18.

Now, just so you are not sucked into the cuteness as I was, let me tell you, she is a force to be reckoned with, even when she was this little. Oh. My. Goodness could this little precious angel throw a tantrum!! Not many outside of our home were privy to them usually, however, on the off chance they were they were always shocked at what this cute little ball of fluffiness could do. I always used to say that if anyone ever took one of my kids they would take Melissa cause she was so stinken cute, however, once they got a taste of the tantrum they'd bring her right back!!

She's always been my headstrong girl. Never wanting to follow the group, do the "in" thing, always has been her own unique person. She's never even owned a box, whats the point, she was never going to be IN it anyways. There was a time in her life when she wouldn't leave the house with out a headband in her hair. Mostly normal you'd think right? Nope, not with Melissa, her favorite headband when she was little had this HUGE pink felt flower sticking out the top of it. She ROCKED that thing!!! Drove my mother nuts!!! LOL However, in the grand scheme of things, that was one battle I was not willing to tackle, you want to wear a giant flower on your head, you go girl!!!

Today as an 18 year old that headstrong drive and stubbornness has served her well. She knows what she wants and she goes and gets it. She has direction and a purpose in what she does. She's always been my little artist and probably follows closest in my footsteps that way, however she's taken on the challenge of adding todays technology to her passion for art and is heading in a marketing and graphic design direction. She learns very easily and when it's something she's passionate about it she grabs it with both hands.

She is my daughter of recessive traits, only blonde, only one with hair that curly, blue eyes, left handed, pigeon toed, and she's color blind. She was born to be amazing!! Watch out world, Melissa is on her way!!

This post has been churning in my gut for a few weeks now, and I know it's not going to make me popular. I may offend people whom I love and for that I'm sorry.  However, keeping quiet about this is becoming increasingly difficult as the popularity of these books grow. Yes, I said books, and unless you have been living in a cave you probably know which ones I'm talking about, the 50 Shades of Grey Series. Just in case you're not familiar with this increasingly popular book series, here's a link to a Wikipedia entry about them.  I know from overheard discussions, facebook posts, emails, and websites that these books are continually growing in popularity and that there is now a movie deal.  These books are written in a way that they are appealing to women. Women are recommending these books to their friends, which only spreads the poison. To me the scariest thing about these books, is they are not being viewed as porn, yet if they were written to appeal to men, women would be outraged if they caught their men reading them. If these books are truly made into movies they will have to be X-rated unless much of the content is taken out of them. How many women are going to be rushing to an adult theater to view them? 

Many years ago I quit reading romance novels because they weren't realistic and I soon found myself wishing I lived in a world where men behaved that way. I found myself being disappointed that my husband didn't sweep me off my feet the way it happened in the books. Such unnecessary frustration I put upon myself and ridiculous  expectations I set up for my husband to unknowingly fail at. It was not honoring to him or our marriage. Generally speaking, romance novels aren't as explicitly graphic as 50 Shade of Gray is, I can't help but think that these books may open doors to things that shouldn't be. That something that God has intended to be a beautiful thing between a husband and a wife will be twisted into something other than beautiful. 

In trying to find different reviews on these books I found one written in the NY Times by a man. The title of his piece? "It's all porn to me:...." One of the scariest lines to me, in his review is this; It manages, miraculously, to be at once pornographic and deeply unappealing to men – it is a kind of pornography that attracts only women, and thus far it is selling off the charts.

This isn't just a "God" thing either, it's a right and wrong issue. Pornography is wrong, disgusting and degrading, whether it be photo's, movies and yes, books.