Overwhelming art.

On the morning of September 21st, the day after our churches annual meeting, I woke up with an idea. It was an idea that was so clear, and so fully formed that I knew it wasn't my own idea, so I welcomed it and knew eventually it would happen. However, life is busy, and sadly most often my art is what loses out. This was however, an idea that was birthed of the Holy Spirit so it would not sit quietly and wait for long. Shortly after, with some not so gentle nudging from God,  I approached my pastor about putting up some artwork at church and just vaguely explained the idea and got his approval to hang it.

Next was deciding where at church to hang it so I knew what size canvas to get. The wall we chose is quite large, so a 5x6 foot canvas is what I purchased. (getting it home was surely an adventure I won't soon forget). I made my templates and started working on cutting out some paper dolls in my spare time. I was still sort of just taking my time, figuring that I wouldn't need to hurry and I could just do it at my own pace, I had no deadline.

Then the day came when I had decided I would tackle my back ground. I had a feeling I was in trouble when I started to unwrap the plastic from it and I was overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry. However, I just chalked it up to the fact that it was so large and it had been a while since I'd done any canvas work, (never mind the fact that I cry often and easily).

I picked my paint colors and began painting on the background colors. As I was painting, an idea that had come to mind a few days early showed up again. The idea that my church family should be part of this. Since this was to represent that we were all moving together, yet, in our own uniqueness, in disciplining others to know Jesus and experience life in Him, maybe this was truly bigger than just me. However, as I had earlier, I dismissed the idea as ridiculous and moved on. Well, about half way through getting the background painted,  the overwhelming feeling that I was supposed to share this idea with my pastor was almost crippling. I set my paint brush down, emailed my pastor, nearly begging him to not like the idea so I didn't have to be responsible for all that. Of course he loved the idea and then all of the sudden I had a deadline.

So I figured out how many dolls I was going to need to cover the canvas the way I wanted it. To say I was shocked that it was going to take so many was an understatement. Good thing I have so many good, and willing friends and family that can cut out paper dolls while we have great conversations or watch TV together. Forever grateful for them all.

All the dolls were all brought to church for 2 Sundays in a row and set out for people to sign them. I then had 2 weeks to get the canvas done. To say that I greatly underestimated the amount of time this would take to complete is an understatement. I would spend hours getting the dolls onto the canvas only to step back and take a look and it wouldn't look any further along than it had when I first started it. Outlining them after they were all on the canvas took an entire 8 hours. I never anticipated that.

Another thing I didn't anticipated is the way that God spoke to me through it. He asked that I pray for each person as I put them on the canvas. Not just general prayers but real true personal prayers. For most of them there was no way for me to know who this person was who had written their name. As I placed each one on the canvas  I placed my hand over it and He spoke to me about the needs of each person. There were some that were quick easy prayers and then there were some that flooded me with emotion and I had to pause and pray fervently as the tears would flow.  I was extremely overwhelmed by the weight of  this piece and truly in awe that God had chosen me to be part of this.

That part, the part right there, when it becomes not merely something I do, but something that God does through my art that I so desperately wish I could fully and adequately explain to people in such a way that you could get a glimpse into the experience. Holy Spirit lead art, for me, is a more personal and intimate than any worship experience, and prayer time, and any time in the word that I have ever experienced. No Jesus Culture concert, no Women's conference or Good Friday or Christmas Eve service comes even close in comparison. It is no longer I that am creating, but God creating through me. Each stroke of the brush is from God, each color choice, image placement, medium used, is Gods.

At the end of it, when the piece is completed, when it is given away, hung up or presented I walk away humbled from the experience, and wishing I could just blend into the background and not be part of the recognition of it all. I'm emotionally, physically and spiritually spent and it usually takes me a day or two to recover from the experience. I so desperately want to sit in that space forever, to feel the closeness of my Maker, to feel His hand in mine, to so clearly hear His words guiding me along. Sadly the noise of the world and the every day grind creeps in and takes over....until the next time. I can't wait for the next time.