Waiting

Our pastor Josh just got done with a sermon series called Seasons. One of those seasons was a season of just "being", of waiting. I didn't think I was there because I had so much else going on, but as things have unfolded the last couple weeks I'm starting to think that's exactly where I am. I remember this place, I've been here before, don't think I like it anymore this time around than I did before. It makes me feel like I don't have a purpose.

No longer identified by a job, no longer identified as a small group leader, no longer identified as a care giver to my mom and so now I'm not real sure where that leaves my identity. I feel like I'm starting all over again and I'm not really sure where the beginning is. I'm trying to be patient and listen for God to tell me and show me whats next, I'm just not very good at that part.

I do know that there is change on the horizon. Possibly a new job, hopefully a new small group and embracing this strange new art I've embarked on that feels just so not me. Trying to get to a place where I can accept my diabetes and the changes it has imposed on my life and move on without all the anger I have about it. Also trying to adjust to not having a mom which I'm starting to realize is going to be harder than I anticipated.

I'm trying to embrace this, to grow and learn in this place, however, I find myself being impatient and restless.   I do have a game plan, which is always good to have. In this place I will continue to find things to be grateful for each day. In this place I will seek God, I will listen for His still small voice. And yes, I will wait, I will "be", I will do my best to dance in the hallway until He opens just the right door, at just the right time when I am ready to walk through it.