The other night I was laying in bed reading my book after having taken my sleeping meds. I'm not quite sure if it was something I read or if it just happened, but suddenly I got this ache in my chest. Not like a I need a doctor kind of ache, but more an I'm missing something kind of ache. I put my book down to pay attention to the ache so I could figure out where it was coming from. It was coming from my creativity. I do believe my creative soul is weeping, in mourning for the things it misses doing. I believe that there is a paint brush shaped hole in my heart at the moment.

What is so odd about this is that despite my longing for creativity, and the smell of paint and the feel of it between my fingers, I struggle to make myself go to the studio. I have no idea why this happens, it certainly makes no real sense. It doesn't seem to matter if I have something I'm supposed to be creating, or if I've got no preplanned agenda, just the thought of getting there is so difficult. Maybe part of it is that I don't have an idea. Maybe that's what I need, an idea. A reason to go there, something that I feel I need to get out. When I think of other things that have motivated me in the past, they've stemmed from either deadlines or ideas. I have no deadlines. I have no ideas. I see things others have done and thing, "wow, that's so kewl" but then guard myself from trying to recreate something someone else has already done and feel the need to create something of me, and not something stemmed from someone else.

I'm curious, all you other artist types out there, I can't be the only one struggling with this, do you struggle with this? How do you get past it? Where do you get ideas? How do you start from nothing and come up with something?

I need to refill that paintbrush shaped hole and ease my creative souls groaning.

I have been remiss for not telling you all about the newest member of our family. This beautiful young lady is Lexie. We have known Lexie since she was just a little girl, she grew up next door to us. She's the same age as Melissa and so she fits right in with the girls.
There have been many days and nights that the echo of her infectious laugh has graced our home and we are blessed for it. Her smile lights up a room and she's kind, gentle and loving.

I'm so proud of all this young lady has accomplished and how she's stood strong amid the trials and frustrations that life has thrown her. She's standing on her own two feet and she's carving out her own little niche in life.

Lexie will be a senior this coming fall, and through no one's prompting or telling her she has to, she's done well enough in school that she will be graduating early. While others will be in school till Summer, she will be done in January. College is just on the horizon for her. She has drive and determination and she is taking responsibility for her own future.

Strong as she is though, she has a sensitive side, the side that shows up every once in a while when life gets a little jumbled and she feels overwhelmed. The part to her that makes me want to hold her in my arms and make it all go away. I think sometimes she doubts that our family will be here for her forever and ever, but nonetheless we just keep reminding her that we're not going anywhere. If we could right this very minute we would adopt her and make her Lexie Gifford, however, due to certain circumstances we have to wait a while for that to happen. Even though she may not be Lexie Gifford legally, she's already Lexie Gifford in our hearts.