The other night I was laying in bed reading my book after having taken my sleeping meds. I'm not quite sure if it was something I read or if it just happened, but suddenly I got this ache in my chest. Not like a I need a doctor kind of ache, but more an I'm missing something kind of ache. I put my book down to pay attention to the ache so I could figure out where it was coming from. It was coming from my creativity. I do believe my creative soul is weeping, in mourning for the things it misses doing. I believe that there is a paint brush shaped hole in my heart at the moment.

What is so odd about this is that despite my longing for creativity, and the smell of paint and the feel of it between my fingers, I struggle to make myself go to the studio. I have no idea why this happens, it certainly makes no real sense. It doesn't seem to matter if I have something I'm supposed to be creating, or if I've got no preplanned agenda, just the thought of getting there is so difficult. Maybe part of it is that I don't have an idea. Maybe that's what I need, an idea. A reason to go there, something that I feel I need to get out. When I think of other things that have motivated me in the past, they've stemmed from either deadlines or ideas. I have no deadlines. I have no ideas. I see things others have done and thing, "wow, that's so kewl" but then guard myself from trying to recreate something someone else has already done and feel the need to create something of me, and not something stemmed from someone else.

I'm curious, all you other artist types out there, I can't be the only one struggling with this, do you struggle with this? How do you get past it? Where do you get ideas? How do you start from nothing and come up with something?

I need to refill that paintbrush shaped hole and ease my creative souls groaning.