God the Artist

For as long as I can remember I have had this need to create. Whether it was the coloring book pages, the collage of Teen-Beat magazine hearth throbs I strategically placed on my bedroom walls, paintings done in art class, doodles, sketches etc. It didn't matter, I felt the most free, the most sense of belonging when I was creating. There was this ethereal sense of other worldliness that happened in those moments. A time where my soul was at is happiest, at it's most content. Not until the last few years have I begun to understand all of this.

As I dive deeper into what it means to be an artist, a Christian artist and discover new things about God that previously I didn't fully understand or realize I am just in awe. Sure you read Genesis and it tells us that God created the heavens and the earth. So what. He needed a place to put us right? But oh man, when you read those chapters with the heart of an artist you begin to realize that it's more than just a place to put us. God has poured out His soul into each thing He created. I think of how I feel when I get an idea for a painting and I set the idea onto canvas and it comes together just as I imagined, the rush of euphoria that happens is unexplainable. To begin to fully grasp that moment when God looked at His creation and saw that it was good, man, what a rush that must've been! That knowing that you have just put together something that is just so good, and so right and so exactly what you've imagined is like nothing else.

I've read the Bible, in it's entirety and some books or passages more than others. One I've read a few times but read begrudgingly and with great annoyance starts in Exodus 36. The fact that God feels it's necessary to tell us all about the Tent of Meeting and all it's specifications and dimensions and how each and every thing that goes in the Tent of Meeting oh my goodness what is the point to all of this? Some people complain about all the begets of the Old Testament, not me, I complain about the Tent of Meeting. Or at least I used to. Did you read the part where God gave certain people the skill and talent to create things out of gold or fabric? God used His people to create something for Him. Wow! How could I have missed that all these years? I just find it fascinating that the one that that has made me the craziest is now the one thing that I find the most amazing.

In my 40 or so years of being a Christian I've failed to see God in the role of an artist. I never made the connection of the word Creator to the word Artist .Sure I understood in my head that He created everything, but some how it never got through to my soul that He created everything. I think I've been so caught up in the awe of who He is and what He has done for me, that I failed to see part of His heart. I've been so busy  trying to understand what He has in store for me and what His will for my life is, that I failed to just get to know who He is.

I just love this journey I am on, how awesome it is to always learn new things about God. However, I just shake my head because I just can't understand how I missed this. Wonder what else I've missed....

New journey!

Years ago when I started this adventure into Mixed Media I longed for other artists that did what I did. Or at the very least understood what I did or the at the very least the reasons I did what I do. I still long for that! I do have a few artist friends that get the process, however, up until recently no one quite understood the connection between my art and the Holy Spirit. They'd all nod and smile and say reaffirming things, but no one who actually experienced the same thing.

Some time ago I thought how awesome it would be to have an artists small group/Bible study, but like there's really a curriculum for that kind of thing right?? Besides, I'm busy leading the Wednesday morning women's Bible study, which I love! I can't possibly lead 2. So the idea got filed in the back of my "maybe someday" drawer in my brain.

One day I bought a book called Praying in Color off Amazon, and Amazon is a most awesome place that recommends things to you based on previous purchases. Lo and behold there was a huge selection of books about Christian artists and creating with the Holy Spirit and books about people who "got it". I think I cried!! I was excited about this, however, still not feeling that I could do anything with it other than read the books because I was still so in love with my Wednesday morning I just couldn't imagine that I'd do anything else.

After reading one of the books I just couldn't ignore the nudging I was getting from the Holy Spirit that I was supposed to move ahead with this dream of mine to have an artists small group. So many little treasures from God pointing me in that direction, and every time I'd take a step in that direction He would give me signs of affirmation that I was going the right way. I could no longer leave this in the "maybe someday" drawer because someday is quickly turning into a reality.

December 18th will be the last day that I lead the Wednesday morning ladies. This is bittersweet because that is something that I have loved and looked forward to each week. I pray fervently for each of them to find a new small group, a new group of ladies to build relationships with and to do life with. I'm so grateful that most of them I see weekly and talk to often so that we are still part of each others lives. They have been such a big part of my journey and my growth and I've learned so much from each one of them. I will miss our Wednesday mornings.

Now although I know I'm going in the right direction, God has been sort of secretive about how this all plays out. I keep asking for things to be revealed as far as what this new small group looks like, how it functions, who will come etc., but God just keeps telling me to wait, so I wait. I wait and I pray and I read. The waiting however, has not diminished my excitement though. Knowing that I'm headed in a direction that God wants me to go is exhilarating!!

Stay tuned!!

Overcoming

2013 hasn't exactly been a banner year for the Giffords. It's been riddled with loss and sickness and disease. With all that we've endured I believe that if it weren't for the hope we have in Jesus Christ that we would be devastated, discouraged and depressed. Instead of looking through the lens of all the bad things, we see things through the eyes of Christ and how He works all things for the good of those that love Him, and how His glory shines through even the difficult times. My heart aches for those that go through life without the hope that a relationship with Jesus holds.

Mandisa has come out with a song that truly speaks to my heart and it's a great reminder of who we are in Christ. Here's a link to the video, if you've never heard it or seen the video, I encourage you to do so.

Robin Thicke has a song out called Blurred Lines and it's so catchy, the tune just makes you want to dance. When you hear it you're automatically sucked into it. So then after you listen to it a few times and actually pay attention to the lyrics some how the catchy tune just doesn't seem to matter. I've heard the song hundreds of times, I do after all live in a house full of young adults and their music fills my home quite often. I'm guilty of dancing and singing along to this song. I even said out loud "this song is just so wrong, but the tune is so catchy." Now however, it just makes me angry.

These "blurred lines" Robin sings about are about whether or not a woman wants sex or not. IMO, these are not lines that are blurred. Anything other than a "YES", means "NO". What's blurry about that? As the mother of a daughter who has been raped, I don't find this as a topic to be taken lightly. Pairing up these so-called "blurred lines" with a catchy tune doesn't make it any more okay.

I'm sure I'm not the popular opinion, as I'm sure his sales indicates, however, I've decided today, this is not a song allowed in my home anymore. Sorry kids!

Wanna make God laugh? Make plans!!

I myself have never been a planner, even if I do make plans, I'm always up for a change in plans if something better comes along. I've always been a big picture person, you know, as long as in the end it all works out, who cares how we got there. I'm sure my lackadaisical way of thinking drives all you planners just insane! I know this because most often I tend to have that reaction to you planners when things don't go "as planned" and you all freak out about it. LOL

Sometimes though, life throws you curve balls, things that you cannot plan or plan for. That's where I feel I have an advantage over all you planners. I can live life from minute to minute, from day to day, from month to month and just go with the flow and see what happens.

Cancer. Cancer is something you cannot plan or plan for. When someone you love gets cancer you have to live each day as it comes and go with the flow of what each day brings. There is no expiration date stamped on a tumor that will tell you the day that it will end. There is no guide book that will tell you the patient will feel crappy this day, and great on this day. You can plan till your little heart is content but in the end it will only bring you frustration because cancer is not a planner. Cancer is a big picture kind of thing, it has an end in mind and just does it's thing until it gets there.

My heart breaks for those that need to be in control, that need to plan, that need to know. There is no knowing, or planning and no amount of questioning doctors or reading internet forums or talking to people who have been through this will tell you exactly what this particular cancer is going to do. This is a time, when you have to surrender all your plans to God, and let Him be the planner, let Him be in control and you just sit next to Him in the passenger seat and quietly wait to see where He takes you. Start each day asking Him what His plans are for the day, is it a good day? is it a bad day? is it THE day?

I think often we only turn over big decisions or troubles, but when something like this happens that affects each and every day, the uncertainty of each moment makes it hard for those that plan. Not that I'm saying I have a greater advantage of getting through this whole "cancer thing" unscathed, cause I don't, however, there's something to be said for not being a planner during all of this. Changing direction is easy for me, I just wish there was a way to make it easier on those that struggle with a hiccup in the plans.

The pain of this journey is palpable, but greater fold I believe for those that need to make plans. My prayer for those is that have to live through all this is that they can learn to find joy in each moment, in each day and just understand that this is one of those unplanned, big picture journeys. God is in control, and we need to just let Him drive and go along for the ride, until we get to the end of it, whenever that may be.

So you know when your kids are small you're pretty much in control of their life experiences? There is a sense of comfort in knowing that you personally are making sure your kids are safe and that any outside influences are, for the most part, controlled by you as a parent.

Then it's time to let them go to school, gulp, and trust that others will keep them safe and watch out for them. However you can no longer control what kinds of worldly experiences your children will encounter in any given day inside the confines of the school. You are thrilled when they come home with great stories of wonderful friendships and adventures. On the flip side though your heart aches when they come home in tears because someone wasn't so kind to them.

As followers of Christ we pray that God will be there because we can't, that God will watch over and protect our children. That He will keep them safe, that the bullies and the mean girls of this world will leave our children alone. That somehow our children will walk through the halls of their schools, grade school on up, unscathed by all the evil that sin has brought into this world.

Rarely though does that happen.....

Often times the travesties are things that can be overcome, talked out or ignored. However, sometimes the evil in the world comes storming through big, and loud and painfully and no matter how hard you try, it can't be over looked or forgotten, you can't wish it away or pretend it didn't happen. How do we deal with this? How do I deal with this??

To back up a bit, when my oldest daughter was a freshman in high school she was raped, at school, during after school hours. She didn't share this information with us until she was a freshman in college, therefore ways we might have dealt with this had we known at the time it happened were not an option for us.

In the past year I have really struggled with why did God allow this to happen? I know He was there with her, He told me so. Yet He did nothing to stop it. I know all the reasons in my head, I know that He can work all things for the good of those who love Him. I know that we have freewill and we make our own choices. I know that she will now have a testimony to share with others and that God can choose to use her experiences to share His glory with others. I'm also now painfully aware how empty those words can seem having to struggle through this personally.

In my search for answers and ways to get past this, because I am not okay with feeling or thinking this way, I found a video tonight by Perry Noble who talks about having a child like faith. Something that can be so hard to achieve. Something he said really resonated with me. You know how when your child gets to be somewhere between 2-3 no matter what answer you give your child or how many times you rephrase it or change your words, no matter what your answer is, the child will look at you and say "why"? Many times our answers are what they are because we can see the bigger picture and the child can't. We see what is ahead or we have experience with the outcome of a particular situation that the child whose never experienced those things has no reference for, therefore, cannot understand why our answer is as it is.

We as Christ followers are referred to as children of God, not adults of God. This makes me think that maybe just maybe when I'm asking why, God is telling me an answer that I cannot completely understand because I cannot see the bigger picture. I don't know what's ahead, I haven't experienced it and I have no point of reference for it.

So thankfully, I have now come to a place that I will no longer question God with my "why", and trust that He knows what the whole picture is, what the greater plan is. It's not going to be easy, and I will have to capture thoughts daily and have to pray through this continually. At least now I have come to a place where I have some peace with this.

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

I want you to read something, but before you do, I want you to understand that this is not a post about homosexuals in anyway, this is a post about how we are called to love. So many people under the guise of Christianity spew such unkind things about those that they don't feel live the life that they think they should. However, Jesus tells us that is not our place to judge, our calling as children of God is to love, love everyone, not to judge. The pastor that wrote the letter to this woman, did exactly what God tells us to do, he did not judge, he loved her where she was at. I pray that I can be the kind of person that loves without judgement. What a much kinder world we would live in if everyone just did what we were made to do...Love!

Here's the article I'd like you to read, called My Train Wreck Conversion.

The author of this letter has also written a book, I have added it to my "to read" pile called Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert. 

Unforgiveness is a sin. I know this. I also know that unforgiveness keeps me a prisoner, not the person I'm not forgiving. What if the person you're having a hard time forgiving isn't a person......it's God. How can it be God? God doesn't do anything wrong, how could it be He that I need to forgive? It doesn't make sense to me either, but when I think of this pain I have, it always comes back to the fact that God let it happen. I totally understand that we live in a sinful world and that the things that happen are a product of the sin. I also understand that God was there when it happened. I know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. I know all this stuff. I also know the pain that this has caused my daughter and my family. I also know that my God is a powerful, awesome God that can stop anything, can make anything happen or not happen.

Today as I was reading my book it talked about forgiveness, and this all popped into my head. So I opened my mouth and said I forgive the person that was the cause of all this, and I felt nothing. I've forgiven him long ago, but yet I have all this anger and frustration and bitterness about it and again I find myself asking God why He let it happen.

Maybe this isn't about forgiveness, maybe it's about trust, trusting that God knows what He's doing. That He has a plan for all of this and I'm just not seeing it. Huh; maybe that's what this is about. The problem is, I've no clue how to get to that point. Sigh. This is not an easy journey.....