Oh my goodness!! What a few days I have had. My husband and I got home from an amazing 5 days in NYC. Loved our time there and the time spent together. However, when we got home, at least for me, it felt like the bottom just dropped out of everything. We need a new roof, our stove broke, the van had some issues that needed to be fixed, and now I need a root canal and a crown. All things that cost money and it's above and beyond what we have. However, I know full well that my God is bigger than all of those things, and I know He's capable of providing, yet the weight of it all just sat on my shoulders and consumed me. I spent a lot of time crying and trying to figure out just how we were going to make this all happen. I truly felt as though I was drowning, everything was just so much bigger than I could comprehend.

So yesterday, I decided I would take the whole day and devote it to prayer and just spending time with Him. I was doing pretty good about things, until my trip to the dentist. The thing with the dentist is I was totally okay with just pulling the tooth, cause we have that money on our flex card and it would be covered. Until I got home and realized that it was a tooth that would be noticed when I smile. I'm not a hugely vain person, but that bothered me. I smile A LOT, and I'm so afraid that it would make me self conscious and I'd stop smiling so much. I know, sounds lame and vain and silly, but it is what it is. We have dental insurance and they only cover so much, so to do the root canal and crown is more than we have left on our flex card. Sigh. I would be lying to you if I didn't say I completely lost it. I think that's just what God was waiting for. I tell you all of this, so that I can tell you this, in the process of "losing it", I said to Him, "that's it God, that's all I've got, I give up, I'm done, I have no more." I felt complete calm and peace from there on out, and I heard God whisper, "finally, that's what I've been waiting for, now let me show you what I can do".

So I'm not sure what the next few days has in store, but I will tell you this, I have found my joy again, and I know that I know, that I know, that God is bigger than anything that life can throw at me.

Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So I'm trying to make sure I get a walk in most days. Usually it's a treadmill kind of thing cause I try to make it as painless as possible. If I'm on the treadmill I can play gin rummy on my Kindle Fire. Lame I know, but it makes the torture go by faster. However,I was up by 5:00 this morning and decided to take my walk outside. There's just something about a sunrise and a sunset that beckons me. God does some of his best work then, the way the sky changes colors as they take place. This mornings sunrise wasn't as colorful as I've seen but it was beautiful just the same. Made my walk a bit more enjoyable.

I'm a little late in doing this, however, it's no less heartfelt.  On June 17th my youngest baby girl turned 18.  Yep, this little blonde cutie is now 18.

Now, just so you are not sucked into the cuteness as I was, let me tell you, she is a force to be reckoned with, even when she was this little. Oh. My. Goodness could this little precious angel throw a tantrum!! Not many outside of our home were privy to them usually, however, on the off chance they were they were always shocked at what this cute little ball of fluffiness could do. I always used to say that if anyone ever took one of my kids they would take Melissa cause she was so stinken cute, however, once they got a taste of the tantrum they'd bring her right back!!

She's always been my headstrong girl. Never wanting to follow the group, do the "in" thing, always has been her own unique person. She's never even owned a box, whats the point, she was never going to be IN it anyways. There was a time in her life when she wouldn't leave the house with out a headband in her hair. Mostly normal you'd think right? Nope, not with Melissa, her favorite headband when she was little had this HUGE pink felt flower sticking out the top of it. She ROCKED that thing!!! Drove my mother nuts!!! LOL However, in the grand scheme of things, that was one battle I was not willing to tackle, you want to wear a giant flower on your head, you go girl!!!

Today as an 18 year old that headstrong drive and stubbornness has served her well. She knows what she wants and she goes and gets it. She has direction and a purpose in what she does. She's always been my little artist and probably follows closest in my footsteps that way, however she's taken on the challenge of adding todays technology to her passion for art and is heading in a marketing and graphic design direction. She learns very easily and when it's something she's passionate about it she grabs it with both hands.

She is my daughter of recessive traits, only blonde, only one with hair that curly, blue eyes, left handed, pigeon toed, and she's color blind. She was born to be amazing!! Watch out world, Melissa is on her way!!

This post has been churning in my gut for a few weeks now, and I know it's not going to make me popular. I may offend people whom I love and for that I'm sorry.  However, keeping quiet about this is becoming increasingly difficult as the popularity of these books grow. Yes, I said books, and unless you have been living in a cave you probably know which ones I'm talking about, the 50 Shades of Grey Series. Just in case you're not familiar with this increasingly popular book series, here's a link to a Wikipedia entry about them.  I know from overheard discussions, facebook posts, emails, and websites that these books are continually growing in popularity and that there is now a movie deal.  These books are written in a way that they are appealing to women. Women are recommending these books to their friends, which only spreads the poison. To me the scariest thing about these books, is they are not being viewed as porn, yet if they were written to appeal to men, women would be outraged if they caught their men reading them. If these books are truly made into movies they will have to be X-rated unless much of the content is taken out of them. How many women are going to be rushing to an adult theater to view them? 

Many years ago I quit reading romance novels because they weren't realistic and I soon found myself wishing I lived in a world where men behaved that way. I found myself being disappointed that my husband didn't sweep me off my feet the way it happened in the books. Such unnecessary frustration I put upon myself and ridiculous  expectations I set up for my husband to unknowingly fail at. It was not honoring to him or our marriage. Generally speaking, romance novels aren't as explicitly graphic as 50 Shade of Gray is, I can't help but think that these books may open doors to things that shouldn't be. That something that God has intended to be a beautiful thing between a husband and a wife will be twisted into something other than beautiful. 

In trying to find different reviews on these books I found one written in the NY Times by a man. The title of his piece? "It's all porn to me:...." One of the scariest lines to me, in his review is this; It manages, miraculously, to be at once pornographic and deeply unappealing to men – it is a kind of pornography that attracts only women, and thus far it is selling off the charts.

This isn't just a "God" thing either, it's a right and wrong issue. Pornography is wrong, disgusting and degrading, whether it be photo's, movies and yes, books. 

When our kids are little, we're so careful to shelter them from things we deem not child friendly. We're careful how we speak, so that they don't copy our bad language or inappropriate talk. We're careful what we watch on tv when they're around so they don't see anything that will give them nightmares or make them ask questions that we're not ready to answer. We guard who we let them spend time with so that they're not exposed to bad behavior by other children and  pick up bad habits from them.  We are very aware that little minds are easily manipulated and they absorb things like a sponge.

I don't know what happens, but some where along the line we let our guard down. We loosen the strings so to speak and let them watch a show with us that maybe a year or two ago wouldn't have been allowed. Suddenly, they're listening to music we didn't preview first and give them permission to listen to. We're not nearly as careful about what we say in their presence as we once were. Why do we do this? It's not that they're not watching us anymore, because they are, and when we sit and watch inappropriate shows, or listen to inappropriate music, or say inappropriate things,  now they're sitting next to us doing it with us. I think for me, it's because now, to shelter them from these things, it means I  have to change my choices. Why is it okay for us, but not for them? If it's inappropriate for them, wouldn't it be inappropriate for us as parents as well?

I became aware of this reality the other day as I removed myself from the room when there was a movie on  tv that dropped the occasional F bomb and I was bothered by it enough to leave the room. Yet some where along the line I had decided it was okay for my children to watch that. Granted my 14 year old wasn't in the room, but my almost 19 year old daughter was. Yes she's an adult, but by simply walking out of the room instead of making her turn it off, I condoned what she was watching and gave her the impression that it was acceptable.

I can't help but wonder what other things I've given the impression to my children that they are okay  to do, listen to, say and watch simply because I didn't say it's not okay or because I do it myself. Just because my children are older now doesn't mean they're not impressionable anymore. It doesn't mean they're not watching what I as a parent does anymore. Now I'm faced with a difficult two part task, changing the things that I'm doing, and  telling my children things that once were okay, now are not.

I of course am going to put a "church" spin on this, because that is where I am currently called to serve. However, this can apply to any organization you feel passionate about.

I believe that in order to have a fullfilling, blessed life, you have to be willing to give of yourself. Giving of yourself looks differently for everyone. For some it's helping at a homeless shelter, others it's Relay for Life, for others it's the animal shelter. For me, it's my church. I love my church, I'm passionate about what it stands for, I'm passionate about the people that go to our church and the new people that come every Sunday and for those that will come to our church. I'm passionate about doing what ever I can to help our church succeed in reaching people for the Kingdom of God.

I currently serve in several different capacities but the 2 main ones are as a facillitator of a womens bible study, and in the nursery during the first service every Sunday. These are 2 area's where yes, I'm volunteering and filling a need, but even more so, these are 2 area's where God fills me because I choose to serve.

The Wednesday morning womens Bible study, is amazing, and growing by leaps and bounds. Seeing that simply by stepping up to merely be the one who makes sure new study books are ordered, child care is in place and by helping guide our convesations to stay on topic, God has blessed me sooo much.  I have gotten to know so many wonderful Christian women through our fellowship. I have grown in my faith and have learned so much from each new study. Now, even if I wasn't leading this study, I would go to the study if someone else was leading it, however, whose to say that if I didn't do it someone else would? Not saying that I'm irreplaceable because that most certainly isn't the case, there are many very capable women in our group alone that would do an amazing job. However, why should I wait to see if someone else will step up to the challenge when thats something I can do? Thats an area where I feel comfortable stepping up to volunteer so that others can experience the same amazing things that I experience.

Volunteering in the nursery on Sunday mornings for me is pure joy! I get to love on those babies for an hour, I don't have to share them or give them back to their moms for a whole hour!! I also find joy in the fact that  because I am willing to spend that first service taking care of babies, I know that their parents can then enjoy the service or serve in other capacities.

My sister has said several times to me, "I can't believe more people don't volunteer."  Now, I'm not sure why that is, because I know that every person that walks through those doors on Sunday mornings walk away having been given something. They've been given a Spiritual renewing, a prayer if needed, smiles and friendly faces, snacks, coffee and joy. If they have children, their children have been cared for and loved on so that they could worship. Someone made the coffee and set out the snacks for them, someone greeted them and handed them a bulletin when they walked in the door. Some one passed the offerring bucket for them, someone made sure the lights and sound and slides were working properly. Someone played guitar, piano, drums, tamborine and sang for them. People volunteered their time and choose to do these things simply so that others would be able to get the most out of their Sunday mornings. Why wouldn't you want to do that for someone else? Even if you only did it once a month? Why wouldn't you want to do everything you could to make sure that everyone walked out of there with the same amazing experience that you do every Sunday? Most importantly, why would you want to pass up that blessing that God has for you because you choose to serve.

So my challenge for all of you is, that area of your life that you are so passionate about, find a way to serve it so that others may continue to be blessed by it, but also so that YOU may be blessed by it as well!!

Ok so this appears to have been a photo taken in the 80's, however, it was not, May 18, 1991 to be exact. I think there was some 80's residue still hanging around.  Either way I thought I looked awesome, as well as my handsome groom.

Today is our 21st wedding anniversary. When you see the number, 21, it seems like such a very long time. However, as I see it, it seems to have just gone by so fast. I don't know if it is just because we've been so busy with raising our kids and life in general, but 21 years just doesn't seem that long to me. My husband may have a different story to tell, he has had to spend those 21 years living with me, and truth be told I'm a little high maintenance at times. He's an amazing man to have put up with me for all these years.

Todays post will be all about this amazing man I married and get to call my husband. I'm so proud to be Mrs. Jerry B. Gifford II and since this is my blog and he has no control over it I'm going to tell you all about him.

My husband has the most amazing sense of humor, if you're friends with him at all, or know him through Face Book you are aware of this. His sense of humor is what drew me to him, he made me laugh consistently. Some women are drawn to men with intense eyes, or great smiles, big muscles, those kinds of things. Not to say that Jerry doesn't have some of those qualities, but they're just not whats important to me. Laughter, that is the path to my heart. Spending time with him just brought me so much joy.

As I learned more about him, I discovered he had many more qualities that I enjoyed, he's kind, compassionate, strong in character and integrity. I love his brain, I know that sounds silly, but I love how he just knows stuff.  He has what he calls a "useless facts file" which I am all to happy to tap into because it fascinates me that he knows these things. He's wise and discerning and after learning the hard way many times, I have come to know that I should listen to him because most of the time he's right about things. He has a strong faith and he loves the Lord and is growing in his relationship with Him daily. I love that I can talk to him about my faith and he helps me in my walk with God as well.

He's passionate about his children. Since they were born he would get up in the middle of the night while they were sleeping an poke them just to make sure they were still breathing. To this day he still checks on his kids at night. Sometimes they wake up and it freaks them out a bit, but it's all part of the daddy charm. My favorite thing about his relationship with the kids though, is he makes them laugh too. He sings their silly hip hop songs with them, and connects with them on levels I can't.

 However, what makes me love him most is the way that he loves me. He treats me with respect, never makes me feel as if I'm less than him. He makes me feel beautiful,  like there isn't another woman in the world that he could ever love more. He never talks down to me and makes me feel like I'm stupid even though he knows way more than I ever could. He helps me learn who I am by giving constructive criticism in a loving way. He's patient with me when I'm being difficult. He's unselfish in giving of himself and his time to me. He treats me with respect and is willing to listen to me. Yes, I love him cause he still makes me laugh, he still brings me joy.

I don't just love my husband, I'm IN love with my husband. I learn something new about him almost every day. I can't wait to see what the next 21+ years have in store for us.

Happy Anniversary baby, I love you!