When our kids are little, we're so careful to shelter them from things we deem not child friendly. We're careful how we speak, so that they don't copy our bad language or inappropriate talk. We're careful what we watch on tv when they're around so they don't see anything that will give them nightmares or make them ask questions that we're not ready to answer. We guard who we let them spend time with so that they're not exposed to bad behavior by other children and  pick up bad habits from them.  We are very aware that little minds are easily manipulated and they absorb things like a sponge.

I don't know what happens, but some where along the line we let our guard down. We loosen the strings so to speak and let them watch a show with us that maybe a year or two ago wouldn't have been allowed. Suddenly, they're listening to music we didn't preview first and give them permission to listen to. We're not nearly as careful about what we say in their presence as we once were. Why do we do this? It's not that they're not watching us anymore, because they are, and when we sit and watch inappropriate shows, or listen to inappropriate music, or say inappropriate things,  now they're sitting next to us doing it with us. I think for me, it's because now, to shelter them from these things, it means I  have to change my choices. Why is it okay for us, but not for them? If it's inappropriate for them, wouldn't it be inappropriate for us as parents as well?

I became aware of this reality the other day as I removed myself from the room when there was a movie on  tv that dropped the occasional F bomb and I was bothered by it enough to leave the room. Yet some where along the line I had decided it was okay for my children to watch that. Granted my 14 year old wasn't in the room, but my almost 19 year old daughter was. Yes she's an adult, but by simply walking out of the room instead of making her turn it off, I condoned what she was watching and gave her the impression that it was acceptable.

I can't help but wonder what other things I've given the impression to my children that they are okay  to do, listen to, say and watch simply because I didn't say it's not okay or because I do it myself. Just because my children are older now doesn't mean they're not impressionable anymore. It doesn't mean they're not watching what I as a parent does anymore. Now I'm faced with a difficult two part task, changing the things that I'm doing, and  telling my children things that once were okay, now are not.

I of course am going to put a "church" spin on this, because that is where I am currently called to serve. However, this can apply to any organization you feel passionate about.

I believe that in order to have a fullfilling, blessed life, you have to be willing to give of yourself. Giving of yourself looks differently for everyone. For some it's helping at a homeless shelter, others it's Relay for Life, for others it's the animal shelter. For me, it's my church. I love my church, I'm passionate about what it stands for, I'm passionate about the people that go to our church and the new people that come every Sunday and for those that will come to our church. I'm passionate about doing what ever I can to help our church succeed in reaching people for the Kingdom of God.

I currently serve in several different capacities but the 2 main ones are as a facillitator of a womens bible study, and in the nursery during the first service every Sunday. These are 2 area's where yes, I'm volunteering and filling a need, but even more so, these are 2 area's where God fills me because I choose to serve.

The Wednesday morning womens Bible study, is amazing, and growing by leaps and bounds. Seeing that simply by stepping up to merely be the one who makes sure new study books are ordered, child care is in place and by helping guide our convesations to stay on topic, God has blessed me sooo much.  I have gotten to know so many wonderful Christian women through our fellowship. I have grown in my faith and have learned so much from each new study. Now, even if I wasn't leading this study, I would go to the study if someone else was leading it, however, whose to say that if I didn't do it someone else would? Not saying that I'm irreplaceable because that most certainly isn't the case, there are many very capable women in our group alone that would do an amazing job. However, why should I wait to see if someone else will step up to the challenge when thats something I can do? Thats an area where I feel comfortable stepping up to volunteer so that others can experience the same amazing things that I experience.

Volunteering in the nursery on Sunday mornings for me is pure joy! I get to love on those babies for an hour, I don't have to share them or give them back to their moms for a whole hour!! I also find joy in the fact that  because I am willing to spend that first service taking care of babies, I know that their parents can then enjoy the service or serve in other capacities.

My sister has said several times to me, "I can't believe more people don't volunteer."  Now, I'm not sure why that is, because I know that every person that walks through those doors on Sunday mornings walk away having been given something. They've been given a Spiritual renewing, a prayer if needed, smiles and friendly faces, snacks, coffee and joy. If they have children, their children have been cared for and loved on so that they could worship. Someone made the coffee and set out the snacks for them, someone greeted them and handed them a bulletin when they walked in the door. Some one passed the offerring bucket for them, someone made sure the lights and sound and slides were working properly. Someone played guitar, piano, drums, tamborine and sang for them. People volunteered their time and choose to do these things simply so that others would be able to get the most out of their Sunday mornings. Why wouldn't you want to do that for someone else? Even if you only did it once a month? Why wouldn't you want to do everything you could to make sure that everyone walked out of there with the same amazing experience that you do every Sunday? Most importantly, why would you want to pass up that blessing that God has for you because you choose to serve.

So my challenge for all of you is, that area of your life that you are so passionate about, find a way to serve it so that others may continue to be blessed by it, but also so that YOU may be blessed by it as well!!

Ok so this appears to have been a photo taken in the 80's, however, it was not, May 18, 1991 to be exact. I think there was some 80's residue still hanging around.  Either way I thought I looked awesome, as well as my handsome groom.

Today is our 21st wedding anniversary. When you see the number, 21, it seems like such a very long time. However, as I see it, it seems to have just gone by so fast. I don't know if it is just because we've been so busy with raising our kids and life in general, but 21 years just doesn't seem that long to me. My husband may have a different story to tell, he has had to spend those 21 years living with me, and truth be told I'm a little high maintenance at times. He's an amazing man to have put up with me for all these years.

Todays post will be all about this amazing man I married and get to call my husband. I'm so proud to be Mrs. Jerry B. Gifford II and since this is my blog and he has no control over it I'm going to tell you all about him.

My husband has the most amazing sense of humor, if you're friends with him at all, or know him through Face Book you are aware of this. His sense of humor is what drew me to him, he made me laugh consistently. Some women are drawn to men with intense eyes, or great smiles, big muscles, those kinds of things. Not to say that Jerry doesn't have some of those qualities, but they're just not whats important to me. Laughter, that is the path to my heart. Spending time with him just brought me so much joy.

As I learned more about him, I discovered he had many more qualities that I enjoyed, he's kind, compassionate, strong in character and integrity. I love his brain, I know that sounds silly, but I love how he just knows stuff.  He has what he calls a "useless facts file" which I am all to happy to tap into because it fascinates me that he knows these things. He's wise and discerning and after learning the hard way many times, I have come to know that I should listen to him because most of the time he's right about things. He has a strong faith and he loves the Lord and is growing in his relationship with Him daily. I love that I can talk to him about my faith and he helps me in my walk with God as well.

He's passionate about his children. Since they were born he would get up in the middle of the night while they were sleeping an poke them just to make sure they were still breathing. To this day he still checks on his kids at night. Sometimes they wake up and it freaks them out a bit, but it's all part of the daddy charm. My favorite thing about his relationship with the kids though, is he makes them laugh too. He sings their silly hip hop songs with them, and connects with them on levels I can't.

 However, what makes me love him most is the way that he loves me. He treats me with respect, never makes me feel as if I'm less than him. He makes me feel beautiful,  like there isn't another woman in the world that he could ever love more. He never talks down to me and makes me feel like I'm stupid even though he knows way more than I ever could. He helps me learn who I am by giving constructive criticism in a loving way. He's patient with me when I'm being difficult. He's unselfish in giving of himself and his time to me. He treats me with respect and is willing to listen to me. Yes, I love him cause he still makes me laugh, he still brings me joy.

I don't just love my husband, I'm IN love with my husband. I learn something new about him almost every day. I can't wait to see what the next 21+ years have in store for us.

Happy Anniversary baby, I love you!

This beautiful creature here is my oldest daughter, Kellie Elizabeth. Today is her 20th birthday, and she shines. She's the child I wanted from the first time I ever held a baby. She's the one I dreamed about, longed for, and ached for.

Not that all of my children aren't amazing and special, however, the thrill of that first baby is something that nothing else can ever mimic. It's so full of firsts, and new experiences that nothing else can compare to it.

I remember driving my husband crazy after we got married because I wanted a baby so badly. He wanted to wait 5 years before having children, I just couldn't comprehend why on earth we should wait so long and how could he not want to have a baby right that minute!!  I won that battle of course because we brought Kellie home from the hospital on our first wedding anniversary. The second she was born her daddy just melted and we've never looked back.

She was the perfect baby, rarely cried, so content, such a perfect round little head, and sweet little fingers and toes. Oh and she smelled so good, all babies smell good to me, but this one was so much more sweet cause she was mine and I didn't have to share her. I didn't have to hand her back to her mom, cause I was the mom. I held that little girl all day every day, just sucking in all the joy that she brought me.

Today she is a bright and lively young woman who continues to bring me joy, and I am so proud of the woman she's becoming. Each day she discovers a little bit more of herself, shaping who she will become. She is head strong, smart and passionate. She is striving for that day when she will stand on her own, and I have no doubt that she will and when she does she will shine. She has a heart for the Lord and knows that He is King of her life and her faith will bring her blessings.

Yes, this is my daughter, Kellie Elizabeth, my child of firsts, I love her so much, and I can't wait to experience all the rest of the firsts with her as she grows.

Happy Birthday, Kellie.

Doctor Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds can read and comprehend 20,000 words per minute. Oh how I envy that. My list of books to read stands taller than me, and that's the list, not the actual books!!  I have a Kindle and I probably have 60 books loaded onto it just waiting for me to open them. Almost daily a new book pops up that I want to read thanks to the sidebar ads on Facebook. Not to mention the numerous books that people recommend to me each week. 

As I write this, and have now backspaced out several excuses as to why I'm not able to get all the reading I want to do, in truth it all boils down to poor time management. Too much time spent on social media or playing online games. Sigh, odd how a whiny post about not enough time has smacked me in the face with reality. 

In this day and age of modern technology where even the written word is digitized our "free time" isn't really free anymore because of the self imposed weight of staying in the loop so to speak. Suddenly it's become a normal part of our lives to blast to everyone what we're doing right that second, as if the world has been standing with baited breath for my latest update. How did this become the norm? 

I think maybe it's time for me to seriously reconsider how I'm spending my time. I've been pretty good as of late making sure that I'm getting my house clean, and I have been fairly consistent with getting on that stupid treadmill.  However, if I'm not doing one of those things or working, you will find me, with my feet propped up in the recliner and the dogs surrounding me on all sides, with this lap top sitting on my lap as I plug into what the rest of the world is doing. 

Hmmmm, I wonder how many of us have unknowingly given up things in our lives that gave us joy only to plug into the world to see what gives other people joy? Thoughts? Comments? 

It always freaks me out just a bit when I get a request to make art for someone. All these fears go through my head, but the biggest one is "what if my vision for what they're asking for, isn't what they see?" Then there is that awkward moment when I present them with a piece of art that isn't anything like they were expecting. Somehow I feel like that fear is multiplied times 10 when your Pastor asks you to create a piece of art to go in the foyer of your church.

However, one of the things that I've consistently asked God for, is to let me create for His glory. So despite my fears, I accepted the challenge and moved forward. I began making all these plans on how  I saw this art, how it was all going to fit together. I sat down at my easel, and put  up the canvas, then, I did something I'd never thought to do before, I put both hands on it and prayed. Prayed that God would guide me, fill me with the creativity of the Holy Spirit, and that what I would create would be to His glory. Then, I listened......I just listened.  I sat back and looked at the canvas, and listened, I drew a heart in the center of it, which was part of my plan, and I listened. Then, I sat back in my chair again, looked at the heart, and yes, I still listened. That, was when I heard, that was when God spoke, that was when God told me HIS plan, and made me realize how small my plan was. That was when He showed me that I wasn't thinking big enough, that His plan was bigger.

I wonder how often I do that, how often I don't think to, or take the time to listen and just move ahead with my plan. I wonder how many times God has shook His head at me and thought, if she'd only listen, she'd hear MY plan and she'd see just how much bigger and better My plan is than hers. I'm sure I've missed out on so much because I just went ahead and did things my way.

As I'm relearning how to do my art, learning how to make art for the process of it, not for what the finished piece will be, I have to say that this particular piece of art, it is very difficult for me to do that.  I feel as though, it's not just one person who may look at it and think "huh, that's not quite what I had in mind", but the entire congregation. However, knowing that as I'm doing it, I'm listening, and He's talking, and He's working through me to create it, I know that it'll be exactly what He expected, and in all of life,  THAT is what matters most. Yes, what I'm doing is for His glory and it is pleasing in His eyes.

As for my pastor Josh and the rest of the congregation, I hope it's pleasing to you all as well, just know that it wasn't my idea if you should look at it and think "huh, that's not quite what I had in mind", take it up with God, cause it was His idea, not mine LOL.

Procrastination, I am the Queen of it! I find anything and everything, including doing this blog post, to do things that I know I SHOULD do, but really don't want to.  Why do we do this to ourselves?? It's not like  when you finally do it, whatever IT is, that it's easier, or less messy or more fun to do. Wouldn't it make more sense just to do it, get it done and over with and move on?? You would think, yet I know that I am not alone in my Queendom of Procrastination, there are many who live in my land. If I find a cure for this I'll post it........later.

I had an interesting "look back" into my life today, thanks to post on a friends blog today.  Something I don't recall doing much of because there is just so much going on now, I rarely think to reflect on where I've come from.

In this reflecting, I've decided I really like where I am today. God has blessed me so abundantly and I'm not sure I was completely aware of just how much and in what area's until thinking back over things today.

I consider my childhood, and the way I was raised. In years past I've carried much bitterness about things that were out of my control, yet my parents did what they thought was best. However, I can now see that the experiences of my childhood have shaped me as a parent. I am not a perfect parent, I know that there will most likely be areas that my children will feel they've been slighted or that I failed at. I just hope that they can in turn do as I have, and use those experiences to help shape their parenting as well.

I think of my education, or lack there of and I see how I have learned to adapt in areas where I still struggle. If I have any regrets it would be that I failed to take my education seriously. This is where my brilliant husband comes into play. God has blessed me with a man who knows more about anything I could ever want to know. I also find that this is another area where I see that it has helped shape my parenting.

I think of how I met my husband, this is a "look back" I do often because the hand of God is so obvious in it and my husband is a blessing I thank God for each and every day. From just that blessing, so many other blessings have sprung forth. I think of our wedding day, oh the expense that was dished out for that, oy!! If I have one nugget of wisdom to pass along, is that the importance of the whole day, is the vows you make to one another in the presence of God, the rest is so trivial!

I think of my children when they were young. Oh the madness!!! Having the girls soooo close together, was so crazy. I can honestly say that most of toddler-hood is such a blur, so if you're in the midst of it right now, write it down!! I wouldn't change my girls being so close for anything though, they're all such good friends now as nearly grown adult women. My son is such an exciting blessing as well, he came at a time in our life when the busy-ness of the girls toddler-hood was nearly at an end. We got to enjoy him as the only baby in the house which was such a treasure. Gods timing is always perfect.

I consider our choice of homes to buy. When we bought our house it was perfect size for Jerry and I and 3 little girls. Our intention was to stay in this house only 5 years or so and then move on to something bigger. That obviously never happened.  I look at our home now and see that yes, it's small, but it has helped shape our family to be as close knit as it is. We spend a lot of time together because we're forced to in the small space, but more importantly, we spend time together because we want to. There is a lot of laughter in our home, and I'm not so sure that our relationships with one another would be as well shaped and intertwined as they are now if we'd of had room to spread out and separate ourselves from one another. No ones pain goes unnoticed and uncomforted because you cannot cry in our home without someone noticing. I know that at the time of the pain, you feel like you just want to be left alone, however, in the end it's the support of loved ones that helps ease things. I know that as my children grow up they will have lots of "remember when..." stories. 

However, through all this reflection, all the things that I've gone through in my ever so short lifetime of 44 years, I have done the most important growing and changing in just the last 4 years. Turning 40 was so hard for me, and I look at it now and see that it wasn't the number itself, more the realization that although I was aging, I wasn't changing, I wasn't growing, I wasn't evolving into anything really. Yes, I was still a mom, still a wife, and other relational things, but through it all I had lost who I was.

So many things happened in such quick succession that it became almost whirlwind like. God entered my life in a way I hadn't let him in years, because of His urging, I began therapy, which cleared away so much unresolved garbage that I began to find my identity again. All the while leaning on God, the support of my family and friends, I have become a person that I am proud to be. I have a better grasp on who I am for me, who I am for my husband, and who I am for my kids. I have a good balance in my life because I'm not searching for anything, I'm not trying to figure out who I am or where I'm supposed to be. I know that ultimately, for me, that all this is possible, because I know who I am in Christ.

How does your reflection look?