Rough day.

Just was going about my day at work and all was just so good. I love my job. I came up from downstairs and around the corner into the front part of the store and there she was. This beautiful, tiny little woman shopping with her granddaughter. What made her different, what made her stand out to me, was the fact that she was bald, and that she was wearing a scarf. That tell tale sign of cancer and chemo treatments. It was like all the air was sucked right out of me. It physically knocked me backwards.
It's not that I haven't seen anyone going through chemo since my mom died. However, today it was too much, I'm just too raw.

There's this "holiday" coming up that seems to be accosting me at every turn. TV ads, facebook ads, spam emails, Pinterest pins, in store ads, radio ads. It's every where!! I cannot escape the fact that a week from tomorrow is Mothers day. Mothers day, like birthday's was never a big to do in our family. However, this year I feel like every where I turn I'm being reminded that I don't have a Mom. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I am a Mom, but I just cannot seem to shake the other sentiment, that I don't have a Mom anymore. I have awesome kids who love me, and I love being a Mom. Yet it's all over shadowed right now by the fact that my Mom is gone, that I don't have a Mom to say Happy Mothers Day to.

So today was not a good day, today was a hard day, an exhausting day, a day of lots and lots of tears. A day when I really, really miss my Mom. A day when I wish I could call her, could hear her voice, could hear her laugh, could hug her. Today is a day that I am painfully aware of the giant mom sized hole in my heart. Yes, I know she is in Glory and I'm so happy for her, however, today I'm missing her, painfully missing her.

Yes, Mothers day is a week from tomorrow, however, hug your mom, talk to your mom, tell her you love her, every day, not just on Mothers Day. I try not to have regrets, try not to live in the wouldda, shouldda, couldda moments, but today I just can't help it, it's looming large.

If you still have your mom, go call her, tomorrow isn't a guarantee.