Each time I muddle through this I always come out on the other side, stronger and wiser than I was going in. I know that each trial I go through is an opportunity for God to teach me something, to stretch me and help me grow. I'm never happy going into it, but when I finally step out of it I can see God's finger print through it all and it's glorious.
This time around has been no different. I learned things about myself that I didn't realize I did. For example, I have what my therapist calls "floating anxiety". Not sure if that's a true psychological term but that's what he called it. When things are going well, it freaks me out a bit, like it can't possibly really all be "that" good so my mind races for something to be anxious about. This time around I had lots to choose from. I have learned to identify that it happens, so will now be more aware of it when I start to do that and will hopefully be able to head it off before I fixate on something that doesn't need to be fixated on. God says "be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Phil4:6-7). This is something that I must, without fail, go to instead of the anxiety.
Mostly though, what I learned is that I am not in control and that's okay. The success or failure of whatever it is I am involved in does not rest solely on my shoulders. Even if it's something I'm leading or "in charge" of. Ultimately God is in control and all He asks of me is that I do my best and do things according to His will, He will take care of the rest. I need to pray, and I need to listen.
I've also learned that failure is not a bad thing. You would think I'd have figured this out by now considering I am an artist and experience that regularly. However, in the studio, I can just gesso over it and start something new. As you may have noticed, this blog is called Life OUTSIDE the Studio, you can't just gesso over life. However, there will be failures in life and I can learn from them.
I have also learned that when I do fail at something, people will still like me. My character is not determined by what I succeed or fail at but how I handle myself in both situations. Something my therapist is always quick to do is point out how I react to people and situations. Do I no longer like someone because they didn't succeed at something? Of course not! So why should I assume that people will have that reaction towards me in the same situation? People offer grace and understanding and more often than not are willing to stand beside you and help hold you up through your failures and encourage you to try again and be there to celebrate with you when you succeed.
In closing I would just like to add a small PSA: therapy is not a bad thing, it's a healthy thing. It doesn't mean you're crazy or out of control. It means you are seeking council in how to be a better person, it allows you to process your thoughts and emotions in a safe way. Choose your therapist carefully and find one that speaks truth.. The therapist I see, is a Christian, however, he is not a Christian therapist, I know this because I asked him before I saw him the first time. It's okay to ask questions before you make your choice and it's okay to move on to a different one if the one you choose to see isn't working out like you thought. I have been through 3 others before I found this one.
If you have any questions about therapy please don't hesitate to ask, as you can see, I don't mind sharing.
No comments:
Post a Comment