Thursday, April 2, 2015

the rooster crowed

This is Holy Week, the week before Jesus is crucified. I have been meditating on what all this means, and the sacrifice that Jesus made for me. 

I have started Bible journaling this year and it has changed the way I study the Bible, it makes it more personal, more intimate. I find that I'm understanding and seeing things differently than I ever have before. 

This morning I was reading the story of the crucifixion out of the book of Luke. Each Gospel tells the story just a little bit differently than the other. Each disciple adding little details that they noticed from their perspective. In Luke there is a verse that I've read many times, but it never impacted me before. Today, it was different, today it nearly sucked the breath out of me. 

Luke 22:61 says: And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how He had said to him; "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me 3 times."

First, of course, I felt for Peter, how ashamed he must've felt. Not only that he'd denied his Lord, but that Jesus heard him and saw him do it. I imagine that when Jesus looked at him, His eyes were most likely full of love, grace and forgiveness. Not an ounce of "I told you so." The next verse says that Peter wept bitterly. I imagine the well of tears must have been never ending and feeling of letting Jesus down must have been so overwhelming. 

Then, I wondered how many times have I denied Christ? How many times has He looked at me with those same eyes? Did I even notice, did I even have the decency to weep bitterly? In my life time I've heard this story many, many times and I can remember often thinking many different things about Peter in this instance, but not once did I ever think that I am just like Peter. Today was different. 

There has never been a time where my life was threatened because of my faith, but I know there have been times in my life that I have have denied Christ in other ways. In my attitude, in the way I treat others, my selfishness, my lack of self-control to name a few. Jesus looks at me with love, grace and forgiveness each time. 

I'm so thankful for John 21:15-17, where Jesus redeems Peter and gives him the chance to tell Him he loves Him 3 times. When I read that I always wonder if Peter "gets" it, if he understands why Jesus asks him 3 times if he loves Him. Do I understand each time Jesus redeems me, gives me more chances, forgives me over and over again. Probably not, but I'm grateful that He does. 

Another thing I'm grateful for is that the Bible is alive and active and relevant and that each time I open it God speaks to me in ways I haven't heard before. Each time I can't wait to dive in and see what new things He has for me. 


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