Each day there were opportunities to just pour into one another. Not only team member into team member but also Hogar de Vida staff poured into us as well. I watched and celebrated as each day my team mates were poured into, affirmed, lifted up and prayers of life spoken over them that rocked them to the core. Things that met them right where they needed to be met. I cried with them, I cried for them. I LOVED seeing how God worked and moved through my team. The sheer, raw power of our Lord just poured out relentlessly upon each one of them. God is just SO good.
Secretly though, I was jealous and waiting for my turn. I prayed for it. For that one prayer, that one person that would just come to me and speak those words of affirmation over me in such a way that I could not deny that I was doing it right. That big "aha" moment never happened for me. I had an amazing trip and I loved every aspect of it and was so blessed by the whole experience. However, as I stepped onto that airplane to head home, a little part of me was disappointed, a little sad that what I had asked for hadn't happened.
However, now that I'm home, and each time I share my story with someone or read back through my journal or replay things in my head I'm all too aware of things that I just missed some how. As I replay the joy I found in working along side my team, celebrating their awesome moments and truly feeling proud of all their accomplishments, God nudges me. As I'm rereading the Bible verses that He made abundantly clear to me while we were there, God nudges me. At each turn He asks me, "aren't I enough?".
In so many ways, God showed up, some that were so huge and so awesome that you couldn't miss them. He also showed up in a still small voice, in the little things that I missed because I was so wrapped up in looking for the big things. Time and time again, He showed me and told me that I'm doing what He's asked me to do. He made clear if only I had taken the time to look, that He approves. He's nudging His angels, telling them to look at what His daughter is doing and He approves,
His affirmation is all I need. His pouring into me is all I need. I live in a fleshly body in a fleshly world that puts importance upon the opinion and affirmation of others. When in fact, only His opinion of how I'm living and serving and loving others matters. I am so content in that now. I find myself feeling foolish for the feelings that most likely caused me to miss those whispers.
If I learned anything in this trip it's that He never fails me, even if it takes me a while to "get it".
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