Don't miss it!

What do you pray for? Do you only pray for big things? Only pray for others? Only pray in times of need? Or do you pray each day to see God?

Part of my every day prayer, most times before I even step foot out of my bed, I pray that God would use me to impact the lives of others today. Up until recently I'd pray that and then go about my day hoping and expecting that God would do just that but never really seeing it happen. Being the person that God made me to be interacting with others is second nature. It's not a stretch for me to talk to others, strangers even, to encourage and compliment and share smiles and laughter with people. It's just what I do, it's who I am. So it makes sense that God would use me in that way, it just didn't seem to me that He was.

However, one day about 2 weeks ago, I had a short like 10 minute conversation with a woman. Someone I knew from things she had said over time that she was in a place of loneliness or insecurity. Although I had encouraged her before, but I never really felt like we ever connected. We don't really hang out or talk other than Facebook comments and the occasional "Good Morning" on Sundays. I saw her out and about one day and we chatted and I talked to her about Bible Journaling. Short conversation, however when I walked away I got this nudge in my spirit that told me I'd just made a difference. I remember thinking, "what? how?, I just talked to her.". Then it became clear that, God was using how he made me to do just what I'd asked Him to do. Ummm Duh!!!

I think when I prayed this prayer each morning I expected it to be something big. A moment when I'd get to share my testimony or lead someone to Jesus. Something much more magnificent then a short 10 minute conversation about something I love to do. That just seemed way too simple. From that moment on I begun to look for the little things, for the small ways He was using me to impact the lives of others. I began to think back over time and was able to see that it truly was almost daily He answered my prayer. Wow, would you just look at that! God answered my prayers! Oh what a glorious thing to know that I matter enough to Him that He answers my prayers.

I wonder how many other things I'm missing because I'm looking only for the big things. I think we need to pay attention to the small things that we'll miss if we aren't focused on Him. The big things happen and are really easy for us to spot, however, we must remember that God is in the whisper, and unless you're paying attention, you'll totally miss it.

In the words of Aerosmith...."I don't want to miss a thing".

I found it here

I'm always amazed how God can take something that you learned or experienced months ago and just continue to grow on that moment. I think we all have things that we can look back and say, "that is when He started this work in me". Then as you move forward you can see all the things along the way that were all a result of that one moment in time when He showed you that one thing.

If you recall, my blog post about coming home from Costa Rica the one thing I missed the most was that tangible feeling of God's presence in everything. I specifically remember that feeling as we got closer to home just slipping away. By the time we landed in Chicago and stepped off the plane I was literally in tears because it just felt like it was gone. I couldn't feel Him like I did there.

What I have realized is that until Costa Rica, I didn't know I was missing anything. I didn't know that that kind of ever present, reach out and touch, feel it in every fiber of your being kind of relationship with God even existed. I thought that I was doing it right, that my relationship with God was what it was supposed to be and that it was good. I didn't know that it could be, and should be even more.

Once home I began searching for that tangibility here. Where was it hiding? How come I had to search for it so hard here when there it just....was. I became very intentional in my searching, immersing myself in His Word, in Praise and Worship music, prayer; all the things that I had done before Costa Rica, however, now it had a new kind of urgency, a desperation almost. It had gone from, this is what I'm "supposed" to do, to this is what I "want" to do. This is what I cannot exist without, I cannot breath without, I cannot go another minute without. This is what God was talking about when He said to seek Him with ALL my heart and when I do, I will find Him. This IS Costa Rica. This is that tangible God, that one that I can touch and feel and see and taste, and oh, is it glorious and beautiful.

Had God not ever taken me to Costa Rica, I may have never known what it was "supposed" to be like. I may never have known I was missing out on anything. I continue to be grateful for that experience and the knowledge that I need to trust in Him in all things because, man, does He ever know what is best for me.

the rooster crowed

This is Holy Week, the week before Jesus is crucified. I have been meditating on what all this means, and the sacrifice that Jesus made for me. 

I have started Bible journaling this year and it has changed the way I study the Bible, it makes it more personal, more intimate. I find that I'm understanding and seeing things differently than I ever have before. 

This morning I was reading the story of the crucifixion out of the book of Luke. Each Gospel tells the story just a little bit differently than the other. Each disciple adding little details that they noticed from their perspective. In Luke there is a verse that I've read many times, but it never impacted me before. Today, it was different, today it nearly sucked the breath out of me. 

Luke 22:61 says: And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how He had said to him; "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me 3 times."

First, of course, I felt for Peter, how ashamed he must've felt. Not only that he'd denied his Lord, but that Jesus heard him and saw him do it. I imagine that when Jesus looked at him, His eyes were most likely full of love, grace and forgiveness. Not an ounce of "I told you so." The next verse says that Peter wept bitterly. I imagine the well of tears must have been never ending and feeling of letting Jesus down must have been so overwhelming. 

Then, I wondered how many times have I denied Christ? How many times has He looked at me with those same eyes? Did I even notice, did I even have the decency to weep bitterly? In my life time I've heard this story many, many times and I can remember often thinking many different things about Peter in this instance, but not once did I ever think that I am just like Peter. Today was different. 

There has never been a time where my life was threatened because of my faith, but I know there have been times in my life that I have have denied Christ in other ways. In my attitude, in the way I treat others, my selfishness, my lack of self-control to name a few. Jesus looks at me with love, grace and forgiveness each time. 

I'm so thankful for John 21:15-17, where Jesus redeems Peter and gives him the chance to tell Him he loves Him 3 times. When I read that I always wonder if Peter "gets" it, if he understands why Jesus asks him 3 times if he loves Him. Do I understand each time Jesus redeems me, gives me more chances, forgives me over and over again. Probably not, but I'm grateful that He does. 

Another thing I'm grateful for is that the Bible is alive and active and relevant and that each time I open it God speaks to me in ways I haven't heard before. Each time I can't wait to dive in and see what new things He has for me. 

Music

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know when I say music is powerful. I think most of us have a song for almost every big moment in our life.

Songs bring back memories, evoke emotions, bring you to places and times that you either love to remember or wish you'd forget.

Who would've thought when the first musical note was played that it would be such an enormously powerful medium? I don't imagine that was the intent of the musician, I imagine he or she was just looking for a way to express themselves and it's what came out, and thank God it did.

Music sets the mood; if you're getting ready to go out with friends or clean the house, you may put on something up beat you can dance to to get you moving. Feeling angry? Break out the heavy metal and scream through your frustrations.  If you've experienced heart ache you put on the sad love songs and cry your heart out. You and hubby got a kid free night in? Break out the Barry White. Lets not forget about the movies, many scenes would lose a lot of their impact if they didn't have music to build up to the scene. The musical score is as important as the actors.

While I listen to music for many reasons, my favorite is when I need to get my heart and mind in line with God. Often times when I get up in the morning I've got a million things running through my head that I need or want to accomplish in the day and really, sitting down seems completely counter productive. However I know in my heart, that if I don't, my whole day will be off and the millions of things I need to do will be that much more burdensome. Those are the mornings that my time with God starts with iTunes and ear buds. Those are also the days when God usually meets me in the sweetest ways.

Some of the most challenging times I go through as a Christian are the times when God feels very far away. I know that in those times, even though I feel like He's not hearing me or I'm not hearing Him and we're just so disconnected, that I have to continue to spend time with Him. This is probably the most important time for music for me, because as I stated earlier, music evokes emotions. Yes I know, being a Christ follower isn't just a "feeling", however, I'm a girl, I run on emotions LOL. Without Praise and Worship music to get me through those desert times I'm not sure I would persevere and continue to seek Him.

One of my favorite artists for times like these is Kari Jobe. Every song of hers just speaks to my heart and puts me face down in front of my Lord. The perfect position for hearing what He has in store for me, and I don't want to miss a thing!

A Teachable Moment

Today started off like most days do, with some God time; devotions and some prayer. This morning, as usual, I asked God to use me to impact the lives of others as I go about my day. Most days if it happens, I'm unaware of it, other times it's made blatantly obvious how He's used me, and then, well, then there are days like today where I think, what the heck was that!!!

This morning I had an errand to run and it was snowing and just yucky out. As I was almost to my destination an elderly woman with a red purse was riding her bike along the road. Yes, riding her bike in the snow and sleet. I said to myself, "oh that poor sweet thing, that must be miserable". She was however, going the opposite direction in which I was going so I went on my way.

About 20 min later I was headed back home and came across this sweet thing once again. This time she was walking her bike. I passed her, and of course the thought went through my head that I should offer her a ride, but thought maybe I'd spook her if I stopped or something and really, I did need to get home. However, I didn't get too much farther before I felt that nudging to go back and get her. So I did a U-turn and headed back. I pulled up in front of her and walked back to her and said "Honey, could I give you a ride some where". To which she replied, in a loud, almost yelling at me voice, "well, not if you're planning to assault me!". Oh my! I told her that of course I wasn't going to assault her and where could I take her. She told me the YMCA in Lake Geneva, which is about 7 miles or so from where we were, that's a long bike ride in the snow!

Well, telling her that I wasn't going to assault her was about the only thing I got to say to her because for the next 10-15 minutes or so she proceeded to "tell" me in that yelling voice, very descriptively with a good mix of cuss words, just how awful her family is and how she's never going there for Christmas again! How her sister stole her hat and she can just keep it cause she's not going there for Easter either. How she's going to buy a new car and not tell them about it. That her landlord is a jerk and her apartment is falling apart.  At some point during her rant she even managed to sneak in an expletive about Scott Walker, I'm not really sure what that had to do with any of the other things exactly. All through this rant of hers she would ask me if I would like to have a family like that but then she'd go on without waiting for an answer. She talked so fast that spit was gathering in the corners of her mouth and just flying every where.

There were many things going through my head about 2 minutes into this ride to the Y. One of which was Oh. My. Gosh. what have I gotten myself into here? Then it was trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Still, asking God when my opportunity to share His light with her was going to come. I mean why else would He ask me to do this if it wasn't to share something about Him and His awesomeness or at the very least to be His hands and feet in a spectacular way. Yet the closer we got to the Y the more it became very apparent that I was not going to be able to speak life into her at all and she was just going to continue to speak obscenities and misery at me. This was clearly a lesson to be learned.

Not only a lesson in loving the unlovely, (I'm sure she's a wonderful person, just not sure I was getting to see that part), but also a lesson again, in how it's not about me. I was looking for that awesome feel good moment where I got to share Jesus and clearly that was not my purpose here. Also a lesson in dying to myself, it would've been so much easier just to keep going and not put that muck covered bike into the back of my car. Everything that God asks us to do isn't going to be fun or easy or pretty. It's not going to wrap up all nicely with a bow on top where you can walk away from it knowing that you made a difference. However, that doesn't make it any less important. I may never know how or if giving that woman a ride impacted her life in any way and that's okay, because God knows.

A reminder

Went to a concert last night, it was a Chris Tomlin concert but Rend Collective and Tenth Avenue North were there as well. Amazing concert for sure.

Now I'm not sure if it's something lingering from Costa Rica or the effects from Bible Journaling in that I'm always on the look out for something new to journal, but, I was hyper aware of the lyrics being sung last night.

One in particular really stood out to me, so much so that I had to quickly send myself an email on my phone so I'd remember it. It's a song by Tenth Avenue North called Strong Enough to Save. There is a line in there that says "the One the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you". After spending some time in the ocean a few weeks ago it's fresh in my mind just how incredibly powerful those waves are. They don't care what you want to do, they will knock you down, they will push you around and suck you in. You are mostly powerless to do anything other than let them. The sheer idea that anyone can make those waves do anything other than what they decide to do is crazy! However, our God can. If He decided they needed to be still, they would be.

I was struck in that moment by just how incredibly big He is and how incredibly small I am. I think I need these reminders from time to time to remember to stay humble. Yes, I know, humble probably isn't the first adjective you'd use to describe me, but when it comes to knowing my place in His Kingdom I am well aware of Who I serve. I pray that all the things that I do in my life, reflect Jesus, and that I am ever diligent to give Him all the Honor and Glory that is due to Him.

Still processing

One of the things that I went to Costa Rica hoping to find was affirmation. Affirmation that what I'm doing in my walk with God is what He craves. That this whole leadership thing is truly what He's called me to and that I'm doing it right.

Each day there were opportunities to just pour into one another. Not only team member into team member but also Hogar de Vida staff poured into us as well. I watched and celebrated as each day my team mates were poured into, affirmed, lifted up and prayers of life spoken over them that rocked them to the core. Things that met them right where they needed to be met. I cried with them, I cried for them. I LOVED seeing how God worked and moved through my team. The sheer, raw power of our Lord just poured out relentlessly upon each one of them. God is just SO good.

Secretly though, I was jealous and waiting for my turn. I prayed for it. For that one prayer, that one person that would just come to me and speak those words of affirmation over me in such a way that I could not deny that I was doing it right. That big "aha" moment never happened for me. I had an amazing trip and I loved every aspect of it and was so blessed by the whole experience. However, as I stepped onto that airplane to head home, a little part of me was disappointed, a little sad that what I had asked for hadn't happened.

However, now that I'm home, and each time I share my story with someone or read back through my journal or replay things in my head I'm all too aware of things that I just missed some how. As I replay the joy I found in working along side my team, celebrating their awesome moments and truly feeling proud of all their accomplishments, God nudges me. As I'm rereading the Bible verses that He made abundantly clear to me while we were there, God nudges me. At each turn He asks me, "aren't I enough?".

 In so many ways, God showed up, some that were so huge and so awesome that you couldn't miss them. He also showed up in a still small voice, in the little things that I missed because I was so wrapped up in looking for the big things. Time and time again, He showed me and told me that I'm doing what He's asked me to do. He made clear if only I had taken the time to look, that He approves. He's nudging His angels, telling them to look at what His daughter is doing and He approves,

His affirmation is all I need. His pouring into me is all I need. I live in a fleshly body in a fleshly world that puts importance upon the opinion and affirmation of others. When in fact, only His opinion of how I'm living and serving and loving others matters. I am so content in that now. I find myself feeling foolish for the feelings that most likely caused me to miss those whispers.

If I learned anything in this trip it's that He never fails me, even if it takes me a while to "get it".